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Reluctant Whining


Lately, I’ve had trouble motivating myself to post. I’ve certainly been making things; sewing, knitting, drawing, playing with clay or wire or breads (or even micro machines). I just haven’t accomplished anything else, and I don’t like admitting it. You know, anything else like finding a job.

It’s beginning to feel less like an airplane in a holding pattern -circling the sky in want of a runway, biding my time because it can’t last forever- and more like the holding pattern a tiger stakes out in a bad zoo, back-and-forth pacing wearing her steps into the ground day after day, because there’s nowhere else to go.

That’s not to say I’ve lost hope or in any way given up- that would be totally counterproductive, and so I work on the job hunt every day like it’s a job itself. It’s just time to acknowledge that hope can be damn hard to maintain sometimes, which itself is hard to admit, and hard to blog. After all, this is a craft blog; who wants to hear me whine? But the job hunt (and thus, unemployment) is the dominant feature of my life right now, and shifting focus is hard.

I have this dream, this hope, this passion, this plan. I know what I want and have known, in fact, for years, to meticulous and elaborate specifications. In Level 4: Virus Hunters of the CDC Joseph B. McCormick (micronerd hero squee!) says “How, I wondered, could the work of a single physician be multiplied over an entire people who were engulfed in so much misery and disease? Though I didn’t know it at the time, with this question, I had just introduced myself to the field of public health.”

That will be me. It will be. I want to go into the field of public health- into not only disease treatment for unfortunate individuals, but disease control for entire communities, societies, countries; for the world. I don’t want to fight disease on a case-by-case basis, but on an epidemiological basis; I want to be a part of preventing people from getting sick in the first place.

Here’s how my Ultimate Plan (TM!) goes: I’ll work for a few years in order to pay off my undergraduate student loans and gain valuable experience and connections (plus, it’d be real nice to try out this whole “disposable income” thing I’ve heard so much about). I’ll use that experience to gather a few ASCP certifications, making myself even more valuable to my standing and future employers and giving myself a backup plan for any unexpected gaps or lulls in the Ultimate Plan (TM!). Using that experience and those certifications, I’ll try for both MSF and grad school- and no matter which accepts me first, I’ll do both eventually and emerge with valuable field experience plus a PhD. Then I’ll take those new gains, and sign up for the EIS for two intense and awesome years. By then I’ll have the experience, knowledge and network to go just about anywhere in my chosen field, and I’ll make a difference in this world I can be proud of.

If I can only find that first critical “pay off loans/experience/connections” position.

I think I need to figure out how to communicate passion through the formality and brain-numbing business-speak of resumes and cover letters and applications- I think it could make me stand out, though I’m not so how to do so without coming across as unprofessional and even unhinged. I need to communicate that I am not merely another new-born college graduate seeking a paycheck, but a woman with a burning passion and a grand plan who will stop at nothing; a woman, that is, who will bring to even the most rudimentary entry-level position a level of passion, determination and dedication which could only be fed by a long-loved dream.

Time to let the tiger out of the cage.


* * * *

But you don’t come here for this, do you? For existential ranting and general complaint? You come here for the crafting, for the creating, for the making of the stuff! Well, amidst my angsting and worrying, I’ve been doing a lot of that too. We’ll start the catching up with this one:

Hawtness needs ironing

Between sewing lapses and minor frustrations, years span the first and last stitch in this dress, and as wrinkled as it looks here I’m quite proud of it, if only because it’s finished. It’s originally a Simplicity Hallowen pattern (your typical “sexy nurse/soldier/whatever-so-long-as-its-short-and-tight” costume, which actually touches on a pet peeve of mine re: woman’s halloween costumes, but that’s beside the point). I lengthened it a touch, did some tweaking of the fit, and now it’s the perfect outfit for my next mosh pit. Oh yes, this dress was made for concerts; minidresses are fantastic for showing off big stompy boots, and big stompy boots are important in not losing toes in a crush.

Of course, between starting and finishing this dress my big stompy boots died. Alas. It may also work well in the current tight pants/leggings under tunic/dress thing, though I’m not sure I can pull that style off at all.

I made a collar!

It’s the little things I’m proud of- the fit (which I’d show you if I had a better camera- some day!), the pockets, the collar, the zipper. Mad skillz, I tell you!

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